i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
