Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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