I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
