He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
