You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
