if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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