glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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