Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
