Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
