I bet he comes in French.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
