Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
