In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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