Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
