Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
