we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
