I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
