and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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