I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
