can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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