that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is Oprah even human
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
