Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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