Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
