Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
