I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
