I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
