I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
