I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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