My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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