i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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