just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
