i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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