My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I lost the right to judge tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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