I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
