Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
