Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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