Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
