i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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