I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
