we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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