Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
