Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
