She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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