with your own penis?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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