K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
