I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
