I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
