i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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