The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
