he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
