hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
