did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
