I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
