What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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