he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this will be a night to untag.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
